Crazy Potions
by Kajune
Summary: Ling, Edward and Greed spend sometime together at Xing. Things go by smoothly until they end up getting soaked in strange potions. One causes Ling and Greed to split, another causes Edward to become aroused. Edward X Greed


**Title** : Crazy Potions

**Disclaimer **: I do not own any of the Characters of Fullmetal Alchemist.

**Genre **: Romance

**Warning **: Contains maleXmale content. OOCness.

**Summary** : Ling, Edward and Greed spend sometime together at Xing. Things go by smoothly until they end up getting soaked in strange potions. One causes Ling and Greed to split, another causes Edward to become aroused.

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><p><strong>Author's Note<strong> : I apologize if this story turns out not so nice, since it is my first Fullmetal Alchemist story, and definitely my first time writing about all 3 characters. Thank you for reading anyway, since I appreciate it very much.

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><p>The people of Xing love their new emperor, but find him very hard to understand. Sitting at the top of everyone, he is entitled to whatever he wishes for as long as he protects his people in turn. While he is excellent in doing so, the people are constantly having trouble doing their part of the exchange.<p>

It's as if they are serving two different people in one body. Though obviously no one believes in that.

Except for the emperor's closest friends.

There are times when the great lord Ling Yao would ask for gigantic meals, and other times when he would ask for a single bottle of wine. There are times when he would ask to be left alone in his study, and other times when he would ask to be crowded by beautiful women. There are also times when his bangs would cover his left eye, and other times when it would cover his right eye.

No one in Xing could understand the reasons behind Ling's strange behaviors.

As said earlier, only Ling's closest friends do.

And one day, the emperor gets a visit.

"Ling!"

A short, blonde-haired teenager with an automail arm looks astounded at his friend, who is shamelessly sitting at one end of his long dinning table, with drool coming out of his mouth. He appears terribly thin, pale, and also like someone who just got run over by a grass cutter.

"So...hungry..." The helpless raven-haired announces.

"What happened to you? Did Greed do something bad?"

"No, he just did something greedy."

"Which is?"

"Steal candy from a kid."

Before Edward could react to the unexpected and uncharacteristic response, the very person sitting before him instantly rises, screaming loudly in frustration, and of course, with his bangs now on the other side.

"Oi...! Bastard Ling! As If I'd do that!"

It's Greed, with his fist at the table and his display of anger nearly scaring the guards around him off.

"Then what did you do? Idiot."

"Who are you calling idiot, shorty!"

Edward snaps at the reply, but has trained hard enough to be able to restrain himself from attacking anyone should he be the one to start the verbal fight, which leads to his most hated nickname.

"I'm not letting you listen to that damn Ling's lies about me! As if I'd go so low as to get near a kid! Yuck!"

"For all I know, you've been spending most of your free time with May Chang."

Truth to be told, during times he is dominant, he has one of Ling's many siblings as his companion, while Ling's personal bodyguard, Lan Fan, will do anything to stay away from him in fear - if not disgust - of his love for pretty women. Not that he has ever outwardly considered her pretty in any way.

Unable to shout against a clearly true claim, Greed slowly sits back down on the chair while glaring half-heartedly at the girl not 5 feet from him. The look on her face tells him that he has just made her really upset.

"So, tell me. What exactly did you do to make Ling look like this?"

Greed sighs, unsatisfied with his defeat but not to the point where he would refuse to give an honest reply. To always say the truth is his principle anyway. "Long story put short; got run over by a grass cutter. Happy?"

Although he had the idea that this was the cause for the torn clothes, Edward is sadly unable to sustain any surprised feeling and ends up bursting into laughter, much to Greed's annoyance.

"Oi! I gave you your answer so stop laughing at me!" Greed angrily demands, banging Edward on the head with his fist as he does so.

"Come on! Since when do guys like you get-" He couldn't even finish what he hopes to say, due to the intensity of his laugh.

The guards watch in silence as the two 'friends' begin another battle of words, which ends with Edward throwing a fit when Greed calls him 'shorty' again. Thanks to his speed, Greed manages to dash out of the hall and leave the guards to become victims to Edwards's fury.

The next time Greed and Edward see each other, is less than half an hour later just outside a door to a balcony, where Greed has fainted from starvation.

Ling takes over seconds later.

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><p>The chefs once again drained of their ingredients, are forced to do nothing while the palace goes out to get more supplies. Ling was more hungry than he had anticipated, and also admitted to mistaking Greed's actions which led to the 'humorous incident' as an act of stealing from a kid. In truth, Greed had tried to snatch a precious item from Pride and using his shadows, Pride had Greed run over.<p>

What exactly what that object was, the then already starving Ling was unable to take better notice of.

With his stomach full to the max, Ling is now on his bed, looking at the window. Edwards admires just how many locks are installed on it, just to prevent Greed from jumping out again. May Chang however, claims that the heavy and strong locks are also there to prevent Ling from trying to escape Greed's group of admirers.

Not that running away is a bad idea, but landing flat on the ground after tripping off the balcony, resulting in a broken leg, isn't so good.

Soon after, Ling explains to Edward that his days as an emperor are quite fun. Even with Greed's presence causing endless amounts of havoc every now and then, he still enjoys the company. Edward also says that one day his people will find out, and he'll be in real trouble. Ling tells him not to worry, and seeing that Edward doesn't fully trust him, he switches to Greed forcibly, however, both him and Edward are left dumbstruck when the suspiciously quiet Greed turns up half dead, a result from eating too much.

The only thing he manages to mutter in his terrible state is, "I'm not Gluttony, morons."

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><p><em>Hours later...<em>

Greed indeed hates Ling for his apatite, with himself being unable to withstand it to the point of feeling sick for ages. Edward was actually kind enough to sit by and watch his former enemy lie on fancy sheets all curled up, suffering from what seemed to be a server stomachache. Surprisingly, there was no need to use the bathroom.

Once back to health, Greed maintains control of his vessel and leaves the palace along with Edward, in search of something interesting to do. Being an emperor is nice, but in their opinions emperors have such boring homes. As they walk along the quite crowded streets of Xing, their eyes scan the area. In a short while, does Edward's attention get drawn away by shouting coming from behind.

He and Greed turn around to see two kids running towards them, carrying big jars of sweets. Chasing after them not far behind, is an angry man. Before they could react, the kids bump into Edward and Greed, hard enough to knock them into a rack of potions, which all tumble off and smash onto the ground. One bottle manages to fall into Greed's pocket without sustaining any damage, while two other bottles tip and pour onto the two unlucky individuals separately.

Edward turns out pink, while Greed turns out yellow.

As some young towns people watch them with soft giggles, Greed begins to cough heavily. Edward watches with dizzy eyes as the body of the emperor begins to glow, and just like that, two bodies split apart from it.

Everyone stands in shock at the sight of _two _Ling Yaos. Both are wearing the same clothes, with the only difference being the position of their bangs. When one sits up, looks at Edward, and calls his name, the Fullmetal immediately realizes what just happened and who is it that is still lying on the ground, coughing out blood.

To prevent any commotion, Edward bravely and quickly drags the two out of sight, doing his best to try and not fall under the tender influence of the potion that spilt on him.

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><p><em>Somewhere on the outskirts of Xing...<em>

Besides being painfully short, Edward is also unable to continuously drag two equally heavy people for long distances. Not that such an ability is heavily required at the moment, but he would prefer being able to do whatever his mind comes up with, rather than to always have to lose his breath due to over using his body.

Greed, in the form of Ling, continues to cough as he lies sideways on the ground. Ling himself is sitting only inches away, watching with concern in his eyes. He too can't understand what happened, and going by the absence of the tattoo on the back of his hand, he can only assume that he and Greed have been separated.

Yet why does he still look like that?

"Damn kids...!" Greed curses. "I'm gonna tear them apart." He coughs, blood still coming out.

"Greed, are you aware of what just happened?" Edward asks, down on his knees after slightly losing control of himself. He is seeing the affects of whatever substance that landed on Greed/Ling, but he is unaware of what exactly made him look pink as he still does now.

"Huh?" Greed looks at them, without a hint of surprise. "Yes, I know, and because of those kids I feel so terrible...!"

Greed titles his head back, still suffering from an unknown illness if not a side affect of the potion, or maybe worse, a result of not truly being in a human vessel.

"Hang in there, Greed." Ling pleads.

Edward watches as the Homunculus continues to suffer with Ling watching closely, all the while does he himself feel strangely aroused. He tries to shake the feeling off, but it seems that the more he fights against it, the more it tries to consume him with lustful thoughts. This isn't right.

Just as he begins to feel like being taken over, his golden eyes spot something sticking out of Greed's pocket. He quickly reaches for it and finds out that it is a small bottle of potion, similar in color to the one that soaked him.

"That's...!" Ling looks at the item, and knows immediately what it is.

Greed turns to look at it too, frustration clear on his face. What he hates more than those kids is the potion that made him like this. He knows that this one is more similar to what made 'shorty' look pink and not him yellow, but he still has a grudge towards it.

"Throw that piece of trash away!" Greed demands.

"Wait!" Edward protests. "If we take it to someone who can examine it, we might be able to figure out what it is."

"Then we might be able to undo its affects." Ling adds.

"Wait. You're saying you want me back as one with you?" Greed questions, his glaring eyes now on the emperor.

"You are a good companion to me." Ling proudly admits.

While it is nice to see these two get along, Edward can't help but feel unsatisfied. It is as if, he's jealous. With this thought in mind, the young Alchemist only becomes more determined to get this potion somewhere, and he knows just who will be willing enough to help.

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><p>Returning to Xing with two emperors will only cause chaos, so Edward is forced to bring the two look-a-likes straight to where Roy Mustang is, the very person he hopes to gain assistance from. While it is obvious that the yelling coming from inside the office is a sign that things aren't going smoothly, Xing and a cloaked Greed choose to patiently wait just outside on a row of seats, with Greed's condition worsening slowly.<p>

"I'm gonna die at this rate, if that kid doesn't hurry up." Greed says, surprised himself at just how strongly he believes this affect could end his existence.

"Please believe in Ed. Like how you will never lie, Ed will never let anyone die." Ling reassures his comrade, with his eyes focused on the door of the restricted office.

"Che."

Sometime passes as they await for any sign of luck, and after a chair gets thrown straight out against the wall, what seems to be a cooked-up Edward emerges empty-handed. Both Greed and Ling take that as a good thing.

Edward's proud smile further gives them the reason to.

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><p>Though the memories of his suffering are slowly being forgotten, Edward still remembers the place where he once encountered Ling. With the sun still up in the sky, both Greed and Ling follow Edward to the safe house they too remember being at sometime ago.<p>

As they begin to patiently await for time to drift by, Ling unfortunately suffers from hunger again, and before he could suggest that they all went out to get some food, Greed cruelly kicks the emperor outside, shouting that he doesn't want to be pestered with Ling's eating habits.

A dizzy Edward watches by the door as Ling sadly walks away, hopefully filling Edward's heart with some sympathy and understanding, and to let him know that he doesn't want to be alone. If he wasn't afraid of Greed's wrath so much, Edward would of dashed out to give Ling company without a second thought.

As wanted, time goes by as Edward watches Greed lie curled up on the floor, still suffering in agony. Unable to just sit and do nothing, and helplessly fight off the sexual feelings building up, Edward crawls over the Homunculus and whispers words into an ear that even he himself is stunned by.

There's no holding back now, because even if he denies it out loud, Greed still looks much better in the form of Ling.

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><p>The short violates the greedy.<p>

With his jacket and shoes discarded, Edward tops his former enemy with lustful eyes. He has never felt so attracted to anyone before. To do so is considered completely insane. Yet, despite bearing great dislike for developing such sexual feelings for another man, who isn't even human, Edward can no longer shield away such a powerful force and pretend that just by looking at Greed, he doesn't feel aroused.

Greed himself, besides suffering from the lack of a real body, is stunned by the centuries younger boy's actions. He has viewed Edward as being hot-headed, naive, and also admirable, but never has he viewed him as someone capable of sexual advances. A man who desires women as much as money, knows very well what are the signs of someone lusting for another.

He just never expected to see them come from Edward, even less for him to become the target, if not victim.

He totally...hates this.

"Oi! Get off me, shorty!" Greed demands, feeling slight uneasiness with saying the taboo word with Edward being mere inches away. However, there is no response, and Edward continues to lick and suck at his neck, all the while his own arms are trembling as they support him off the ground. It could be assumed that he is trying to fight against the non-Edward-like desires, but is obviously failing.

Greed, on the other hand, couldn't care less about the blonde's true desires, and hopes to somehow separate them.

Leaning more of his weight onto his fake arm, Edward's other hand brings up one of Greed's legs, before lowering himself down a bit. The faint contact makes Greed know just how aroused the dazed Fullmetal is. Obviously, he is not pleased with what he feels.

With both hands, he struggles to push the other off, with only the intense pain inside him making things harder. Edward soon brings their lips together, and going by how Edward's teeth keep opening and closing, Greed is fairly sure that the younger male is trying to stop all this.

It would be nice if he succeeds, before it is too late.

As Edward's left hand caresses Greed's leg, his body gently rubs itself against the one below, the taste of blood soon fills his mouth, and it takes his still-able mind no time to guess that it is coming from Greed. The pain truly is too much to bear. Their kiss is broken, and Greed quickly turns sideways to cough out the rest. He can't accept this. Not only he is seemingly going to die, he is also going to experience utter humiliation at the hands of a short teenager.

Before Greed could react, Edward's manipulated self turns the Homunculus over and kisses his lips again. Greed, visibly frustrated, quickly places his hands onto Edward's shoulders and tries to push him off. Unfortunately, energy from within has been draining out ever since he was separated from Ling, making him unable to force their lips apart.

Eventually, all of Greed's strength and attempts to force down his agonizing pain, drifts away, and Edward is left to continue what he has reluctantly begun.

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><p>When Ling returns to the safe house with a full stomach, he is surprised to see Edward sitting in a dark corner, with a Philosopher's stone in his hand. The Xing emperor immediately panics, and rushes to take hold of what is left of Greed.<p>

"He suffered a lot, but at least you're safe and able to take him back." Edward explains, clearly reassuring his friend.

"That's good." Ling rolls his hand into a fist, and prays slightly for Greed to be alright in his current state. Seconds later, Ling looks up at his blonde-haired friend with an odd expression. "What happened to your face?"

Edward instantly looks away, with an angry expression. Ling quietly notes that for some reason, there is a faint blush on his face. "Nothing." Edward lies, due to being unwilling to explain why there is a severe bruise on his cheek, which had been inflicted upon him by Greed, not long before he lost his human form.

With the sky already quite dark, Ling decides that they rest in the safe house before going to see Roy Mustang, he who may soon hold the answers to the potions. By now, Edward has no intention of finding out what exactly made him rape Greed, since it is shameful enough that he has memories of doing so.

The next morning, Ling and Edward learn from Mustang that the potions are the work of a witch, who has them for sale in Xing. Their main purpose is to 'help one gain new experience'.

While Ling sees nothing entirely bad about it, Edward, on the other hand, promises to never go near kids again, out of fear that they may bring more bad luck. Meanwhile, Greed, can only hope never to be around Edward again, because he sees the Fullmetal as a kid himself.

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><p><strong>Owari<strong>


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